Summer in the Valley

I am now back in the lower 48 and I won’t lie it is bittersweet. I am incredibly excited to be back here working on support for being on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ in the fall at UNL, but it is so hard to not be in Alaska with the guys that I have gotten close to over the last week. Looking back on the summer I see so much fruit of the Lord in my life, but at the same time I feel like I have been worked over. The past two summers in AK have been “mountain top experiences” with God, while this summer has really felt like a valley. It was as if God was saying, “Ok Matt, the last two summers have been a blast, now its time to see what you are made of.” In response to that I crumbled and fell over and over and over again as I tried to balance so many different things, trying to put them all in the Lords hands and repeatedly ripping them out of his grasp only to drop them, seeing them shatter before my eyes.

I did not know whether God was telling me to just let go of stuff or if he was telling me to keep pressing on, to work harder, to fight for what was weighing heavy on my heart. Unfortunately I was confused and so distracted by what was really not important at all that I missed out on so many things and I missed out on a summer that should have been incredible. I know that the Lord had me struggle with these things for a reason, that he wanted me to see what is important and what can happen when I let myself get distracted. I can count it all joy as it says in James 1: 2 that I suffered this summer and that I have to thank him for blessing me beyond all understanding over the last week as I finally surrendered everything to him.

The biggest blessing of the summer came in the last three days of project by having conversations with students that I had not connected with all summer. I can honestly say that at times I felt as though I wasn’t even being used by the Lord in Juneau and that I was wasting my time. Last Thursday can be attritubed as the worst day on project without a doubt. I no longer felt welcome with the guys there, bitterness and anger started surfacing that was not there before, my joy was being robbed in front of my eyes and I could not stop it. I know now that this was the whispers of the enemy trying to render me completely ineffective. But the Lord is so faithful, he would not let me be rendered useless and he used the staff guys that were still in Juneau to do it. I processed through things on Friday and ended that day with two conversations that changed the summer. I finally let myself be me, let go of my selfish ambition, was real and I saw the Lord bless it. Saturday was the best day on project hands down. God continued to open up my heart, continued to open up my life, and gave me opportunities to really connect with four guys on project that I previously not connected with. I left that conversation encouraged as they each said they wished these conversations would have happened earlier in the summer.

I left Juneau knowing that I had made an eternal impact on the men that came up there by being myself. When I finally let it all out, when I let myself be free I experienced real life, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” John 10:10. This summer I truly lived out Matthew 16:25 which says, “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” It is so encouraging realizing how faithful the Lord is, despite my unfaithfulness!