Death By Love: Letters from the Cross
I was doing some surfing and came across this video produced for Mark Driscoll’s new book called “Death By Love: Letters from the Cross”. Lets just say it blew me away and I can’t wait to get a copy of the book!
To preview the video click here.
Timberlake Ranch Camps
This past week I had the amazing opportunity to be the Camp Pastor at Timberlake Ranch Camps. The theme for the week was WILD with talks focusing on being Willing, Unique, Fearless, and Bold. As part of my talk on being Unique I asked the kids to be part of video to show how every single one of us is completely and totally different from everyone else.
Untitled Story
I just received a ministry update from a friend of mine in Serbia. God has given me this word picture in the last couple of months and I thought I would share it with you. I hope it encourages you!
I am standing on the edge of a huge abyss. Bigger than I can see across, deeper than you can see into. I am standing on the edge and it is so dark and so gloomy that I can’t even see an inch down into it. Then for some reason I start crying out to the Lord because I know that the abyss is not supposed to be there. I cry and cry and cry and then as I am on my knees, tears streaming down my face God answers. I look down at my feet and there is a flashlight. It is a little tiny flashlight with almost no power at all. I pick it up and shine it down into the whole, focusing the light on the edge of the abyss wall right in front of me. The darkness is so great and so deep and so thick that the light only shines down an inch or so. I have never been more terrified in my whole life because no matter how far I travel back and forth around the abyss it is all completely covered in this darkness. I can’t handle it. I am freaking out. I begin to cry uncontrollably. The flashlight drops to the ground and I fall back in desperation. I hit the ground hard…it hurts like crazy. I want to run away like I have never run away before in my life. All I want to do is run, but for some reason I stay. I can’t explain it, but something deep inside of me is beaconing me to stay, crying out to not run away.
Time goes on, more tears, more pain, more hurt, but it still isn’t really any better. Then as I am crying out to the Lord and looking into the darkness at my feet I am instantaneously transported to the bottom of the abyss. It is white. Pure, brilliant white. And there in the middle of white rock floor is a seed. Out of the seed is growing a small plant. Honestly it doesn’t look ominous or grotesque at all. It is simple, basic and really doesn’t scare me at all. Every where I walk there is light. It shines completely! There are no shadows, there is no darkness. Then standing just over the seed I look up. There above me is a hole…the abyss…but now I am at the bottom. In that moment I am more full of hope that I have ever been in my entire life, because there at the bottom I feel hope, really hope for the first time in my life! The walls of the abyss are still covered in darkness, they are still covered in filth and the grotesque darkness I saw at the top, but here there is nothing.
Being totally overwhelmed I collapse and fall to the ground. Resting…healing…waiting…for a long time. When I feel to tired to go on it is as if an invisible hand literally reaches underneath me, picks me up and sets me on my feet. And then in the quiet, clean, clear recesses of the abyss I hear that still small voice. It beacons to me. It is him and he is crying out to me, “Start climbing.” “Start climbing and I will be with you the whole way. When your arms are to tired to hang on, my hand will hold you up. Trust me…I WILL BE THERE!” I there at the base of the longest, most difficult journey of my life and it is straight up, but I start climbing. The more I climb the more the light hits and the more the darkness is turned to green lush fruit and every time I don’t think I can go any further I look up to the light that I am climbing to and then I look down and see that my feet are supported…that the Lord really does have me in his hand and I know that he will NEVER let me go! Hope makes me climb. Hope makes me keep going even when I don’t think I can go anymore.
Orlando or Bust
Thursday Afternoon
(Sorry about the background noise, I was listening to “The Pilgrim’s Progress” Audio Book as I drove down)
Saturday June 21 was one of the longest solo drives of my life. I began in Columbia Missouri and ended in Forsyth Georgia. Here are some videos and a few photos of my trip.
Saturday Morning
Saturday Night Recap and Campsite Tour
Saturday Night – Survivor Man Style
PULSE at UNL
God has done some amazing things in the lives of students here at UNL. I am so excited to fill you in on things that will be going on as this semester progresses. The biggest thing that has happened on our campus is an ever increasing desire on students’ hearts to be more than nominal Christians. Students have begun to step up and take leadership in areas on campus where leadership has not existed all year. We have students stepping up to help lead evangelism and prayer groups all across campus. God has been working on their hearts to reach out to their peers so that every student on campus knows someone else who is a Christian firmly planted in the Lord and sharing their faith out of the overflow of their hearts.
All of this is tied together in a partnership students here at UNL have made with PULSE ministries out of North Dakota PULSE was born out of students at North Dakota State University being unsatisfied with the impact of the campus ministries on their campus. These students realized that each individual ministry was on campus for the same purpose: to see non-Christian students come into a relationship with Jesus Christ. However with all of this being said they noticed that most of these organizations would not work together to see this become a reality. So in an effort to reach more of their peers for Christ, students at NDSU began praying for God to lead on their campus. In just over a month they had formed more than 20 prayer groups meeting at different times and locations all over campus. Then over the course of the year they organized a group of events on campus, rallying students to unity. There labor paid off when they did an outreach event where 15,000 attended and heard the message of Jesus Christ.
You may be wondering how in the world this ties in with UNL. Well in January of 2007 God radically changed my life by giving me a vision of seeing 4,000 college students gathered at UNL on the green space in repentance for sins, crying out to the Lord for forgiveness and mercy for our campus. As part of that vision God also placed it on my heart to pray every morning Monday-Friday at 5:30 am for this to happen. Refusing to go at this thing alone I challenged the men and women in Campus Crusade to join me for this semester long endeavor petitioning the Lord to radically change UNL for eternity. After months of praying from 5:30-7:30am, God moved.
God put it on our hearts to move forward with an idea called RezWeek (Resurrection Week) during the week of April 15-21, 2007. This week would include a 24-7 prayer tent on the green space where students could come and pray 24 hrs a day for the whole week. Students would also do fundraising and awareness events with “Schools-2-Schools” and the “Invisible Children” organization. Students also led other evangelistic outreaches on campus during the afternoons all week. All of the work that students poured into this week came to fruition mid-week.
On Wednesday April 18, 2007 God blew my mind as over 300 college students gathered in a circle on the green space at UNL in corporate, unified prayer. Earlier that week, the massacre shooting at Virginia Tech had occurred. In response to this tragedy the Association of Students and the University of Nebraska called a candle light vigil for the evening of the 18th. Knowing that there would be little to know spiritual context to this event we knew that we had to do something. Other students and I agreed that we should pray corporately, but had no idea how to invite others to join us. After God burdening my heart to lead this evening event, I followed my heart and to an audience of 1500 college students put out a public invitation to prayer which resulted in the group of 300.
As a part of RezWeek and through some very God ordained events and circumstances I got in touch with Nick Hall the director of PULSE ministries that week. Although at that time nothing happened directly between our ministries we knew that God was not finished at UNL and that our partnership had just begun. After praying through the summer and staying in contact via Facebook, an opportunity was given to three other students and I to make a trip to North Dakota to see what a PULSE outreach would actually look like. On November 10, 2007 four of us packed up a car, drove to Jamestown North Dakota and attended the Jamestown PULSE outreach event. This event included a concert featuring bands Newsboys, Kutless, and Newworldson, as well as, 
a gospel presentation by Nick Hall all accompanied by state of the art lighting, sound and video. Over 4500 people attended the outreach in a community of just over 15,000, 2500 college aged students attended for free from two campuses with student populations of 2500 students, 185 people committed their lives to following Christ for the first time and over 1500 Christians rededicated their lives to Christ committing to no longer live nominal lives.
During the last few months momentum has continued to build as we truly believe that God is going to do something unprecedented here at UNL as we partner with PULSE. We have established a core leadership team of eight students and are in the process of expanding it to include a representative from every major campus ministry at UNL. We have also begun meeting every Thursday evening after the weekly meetings of most of the ministries get finished to talk, strategize, and plan for what is coming up. Currently our plan sits in three phases:
1_Call to Prayer_we are challenging students to pray for one hour a day every day for unity on campus and for hearts to be changed on campus by the power of the gospel.
2_Revolution_a week long series of concerts, teaching, and unified worship to be held on the green space at UNL. This week is designed to specifically target believers on campus and encourage them to continuously be externally focused and reaching out to this campus with the message of Jesus Christ. You can find much more information at www.campusrev.com.
3_Outreach_if Revolution is as successful as we are hoping it will be, we will progress with a large scale outreach that is still in the “dreaming/vision casting” phase.Right now the plan is launch a statewide outreach to be held in memorial stadium that would target 80,000 college students from around the state of Nebraska, giving them an opportunity to hear the message of Jesus Christ.
The vision is a God-sized vision that will only happen if He wants this to happen, but we know that God not only commands us to pray and seek him but he calls us to action. We are partnering with as many different churches and organizations across Lincoln as God has placed this phrase on my heart:
Unity for the sake of unity is pointless,but unity
for the purpose of glorifying Jesus Christ is powerful!
Dissatisfaction
So the title of this post probably says a little more than most of you think, but I have a ton to write about. So much has happened in the last months that it is difficult to know exactly where to begin, but lets go ahead and take a stab at it.
Probably one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had in my life happened a few months ago when James Pruch (my roommate), Evan Schweitz (a guy I disciple), and I had the opportunity to pray with a guy named Matt Peters who decided to follow the Lord for the first time. Matt has grown up going to a Lutheran church his whole life, but after going through the Soularium survey with him and then sharing what it really looks to walk with the Lord in a personal way every day he said that was something he really wanted because he didn’t have it. A simple ten minute survey turned into a hour and a half long conversation and a brand new relationship for Matt with the God of the universe. I am humbled every single day, but this was one of the most humbling things I have ever had the opportunity to be a part of. Maybe it is simply because I have been a Christian for twenty years, really been walking with the Lord for over six years now and for the first time in my entire life I finally had the opportunity to be with someone who entered the kingdom!
Is that alarming to anyone out there? Is it alarming that it took me twenty years to see this kind of fruit in my own life? Is it alarming that it took me six years of college, a summer of raising support, and two and a half months of full time ministry before I saw fruit? I guess it is alarming to me because I feel like God is bending me over the rail with this whole thing. I think I am alarmed at the status of my own life because I don’t want to keep living without seeing the fruit of walking with Christ. I want to see so much more in my own life, but not to my glory. When I look back on that conversation with Matt, one thing is absolutely certain: I didn’t to jack squat to make that conversation happen and turn out the way it did…ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!
That conversation was a very simple blessing from a heavenly father that for some reason wanted to show me that if I will take a step of faith to talk to someone who I otherwise would not, he will show up! I love that about being a Christian; I get to show up in a situation and then get out of the way as God decides to use me however he wants for his glory and his purpose. But there is one thing that God has also been putting on my heart over the last few weeks and that is the dissatisfaction with the lack of fruit in my life. One thing has continued to come up over and over again and it simply comes down to one question:
IS JESUS CHRIST MY TREASURE?
Is Jesus worth more than the world to me? Is so valuable that I would sell everything I own like the man in Matthew 13 who found a treasure and sold everything he had to purchase that field just because he wanted the treasure so badly? Is he worth all of my time, all of my energy, all of my effort, all of my money, all of my popularity, all of my physical health, all of my….everything???
It sucks, but most of the time I have to answer “No” to most of those questions. I want him to be my everything. But how does he become my everything?
My roommate James is a stud, but let me tell you why. He is a stud because he has made it a priority to wake up early in the morning everyday just to spend time with the Lord, because he wants Jesus to be his treasure. But James does not stop there. He wakes up and then challenges every single guy he knows to do the same so that they will be able to gaze upon the beauty that is Jesus Christ and see their lives changed in more ways than they could have ever imagined. He is also a prayer warrior, wise, teachable, a teacher, a preacher, vulnerable, honest, humble, and real with everyone who calls him friend. I have been challenged by him more than any other person while I have been in college because James is not satisfied with me as his brother in Christ living a mediocre Christian life where I see no fruit.
God has begun to put that same dissatisfaction in my own life and the more I get into the word, the more I pray, the more I read, the more I write, the more I strive after Christ the more dissatisfied I become. I am not satisfied with one person in 24 years! I know that God has called me to live a life so much greater than what I have seen in so many years and I know that dissatisfaction is what is moving me to become active in my walk with the Lord.
I know that the dissatisfaction that I have with my own life is not unique to me and is probably true of many of you that may read this post. I don’ t know how God is going to lead you to overcome that dissatisfaction, but I pray that he does!
How Great is Your Love
This morning I have been wrestling with myself. I have been tempted a lot today and I know that the temptations are coming as a direct result of the fact that I get the privilege of speaking at UNLcru tonight. I got asked to speak on the topic of “Loving by Faith.” I think more than anyone I really needed to hear everything that I will telling everyone else tonight.
About three months ago I was preparing for a mens retreat we called VALOR. As a part of that preparation, my roommate James and I met with a good friend and older wiser man, Marty Everding. In one of those times we spent praying with Marty he told us that as we prepared our own portions of the retreat that it was more important to prepare our hearts for coming before the Lord, the God of heaven, rather worry so much about the words that we would speak. The point of what he was saying is that, because we are Gods children and are filled with the Holy Spirit, the Spirit will work within us to speak the words he wants to communicate. This morning I was wrestling with that very fact because my heart has not been prepared up to this point for what I am supposed to talk on tonight.
This is where the story gets awesome! I sat down at my computer about 20 minutes ago, put on my headphones, opened up itunes and went to my worship play list. I just wanted to listen and pray and ask God to prepare my heart. I wasn’t hardly paying attention when the song “How Great is Your Love” by MercyMe started playing. By the time the first chorus came on I was already crying because I knew this is what I needed to hear. I needed to be reminded that Gods love is amazing, that his love is everlasting, that it never fails, that he is always faithful, that he is always good, that he is always kind, that he is always gentle, that he is always gracious, that he is always lovely, that he is always beautiful, that he is always a treasure worth seeking, that he is always pure, that he is always just, that he is always … well everything I will ever need. I just wanted to share that with you all. I went ahead and put the mp3 for the song and the lyrics below, I hope you enjoy them as much as me!
mercyme-how-great-is-your-love.mp3
How Great is Your Love
My heart is steadfast of God
And I will sing
With all my heart and soul
Music for the King
And I will awake the dawn
With my praise to you O Lord[CHORUS:]
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
O how great is Your lovePraise the Lord O my soul
And glory to the King
Forever You are robed with majesty
We come to you O Lord
And Lay our praise at your feet
[CHORUS][BRIDGE:]
Be exalted O God and let Your glory reign
Be exalted O God and let Your glory reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Calling Him “Lord, Lord”
So this post comes out of everything God has been teaching me over the past week. I won’t lie it has kind of stunk, but it is also really good.
Last Wednesday evening during the StudPlex weekly accountability time my roommate Joe Ciserella read a passage out of Matthew 7. It said:
“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.
Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’” -Matthew 7:15-23 (NIV)
Joe read this passage to encourage us. He was focusing on how important it is for us to be united with Christ and that when we are united with Him we will bear good fruit. He continued on to say that when we are not connected with Christ we will not bear good fruit, but bad fruit. But this was not the part of the passage that hit me. When I read it all I heard was, “I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoer!” Did you catch what was different about what I wrote there? The actual verse says evildoers, but I wrote doer, singular.
I have been struggling in my walk with the Lord lately. By struggling I mean that I have been sinning A LOT. I was so frustrated and then I hear this passage where Jesus says plainly, “Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.” CUT DOWN AND THROWN INTO THE FIRE…it’s not exactly like those are sweet soothing words to the ear when you have been struggling in sin! I was terrified! I was so afraid when I heard those words. The last thing I want to be is someone who hears the word of the Lord plainly, doesn’t listen and turn, and then goes down in flames because of it. Then the story gets even better…or something like that.
Thursday night (Yes the next day) there was an outreach here at UNL called AfterDark where the band Braddigan played a concert and then Joe White of Kanukuk Kamps spoke on the gospel from the perspective of a roman cross builder. It was passionate and intense. So the evening is a huge success from all accounts and then at 10:30pm I get in my car to drive home to Central City. I get home at 12:30-1:00ish Friday morning. I can’t fall asleep let my guard down for a few minutes and boom there it is again, failure. Friday morning comes after 4 hours of sleep 
and my family heads to WinterPark Colorado to visit my little sister Kelly and her husband Matt. It was a relaxing and a lot of fun, but I didn’t spend one minute with the Lord the entire time we were there. Not one minute, my priorities were pretty obvious, and God wasn’t one of them. So after spending more than three days in isolation from my accountability partners and from the Lord I get home and you guessed it, I fell again. Two times in less than 24 hours I let my guard down and don’t rest in the power and strength of Christ.
I was so frustrated and to make matters worse I had to get up on Monday morning and go to the Merrick County Court House for Jury Duty. Yep thats right I don’t even live in Merrick County outside of the 10 days or so a year that I come back to visit and I got called for jury duty. Well the Lord was gracious and after getting chosen as one of the initial 18 jurors I was released for really living in Merrick County. 
I left Central City at about 4:00 in the afternoon, show up at the StudPlex and within in 15 minutes of being home I am confessing the sin that has been wrecking havoc on my heart and my life for the past 4 days to my roommates Chris and James. The Lord was truly gracious in giving me four solid roommates and one honorary house member to live and walk through life with.
After spending some time catching up with James and Chris, I went and spent some much needed time with the Lord. When I said that the Lord had blessed me with incredible roommates I wasn’t lying. Last Wednesday my roommate Aaron said something after Joe was done reading that hit me like a ton of bricks. He said,
“You don’t have enough faith. You don’t have faith to believe that God can free you from this sin. So you need to pray and ask the Lord to give you the faith to believe He can change your heart.”
There was so much more wisdom in that statement than I ever expected to come out of the youngest member of the StudPlex. But I knew that it was so true, I knew that I wasn’t putting my trust and faith in Christ alone for my satisfaction and my strength to stand firm. And this very statement finally brings me to this morning.
Once a week three of us college guys, James Pruch, Rylan Reed, and I meet with Marty Everding, director of Saber Ministries and former UNL womens soccer coach, at his house for some time of mutual encouragement and usually a whole lot of Godly wisdom from a man who is much wiser than the three of us. This morning we spent time reflecting on John Piper’s response to the Tsunami that hit the Southwest Asian islands a few years back and then spent the bulk of our time pouring over Malachi 2: 13-16.
And this second thing you do. You cover the Lord’s alter with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts in with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.” (ESV)
But this version does not exactly do this justice. The NASB translates the word for faithless to be “treacherous.” How much more powerful is this passage with this word is used:
And this second thing you do. You cover the Lord’s alter with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts in with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been treacherous, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be treacherous to the wife of your youth. “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be treacherous.”
God brought the heat this morning in regards to purity and failing. We discussed the Matthew 7 passage this passage in Malachi and John Pipers sermon about what we deserve as sinners. We get done reading all of this and of course I am freaking out still because I know the state of my heart and my life and I know that God has called me to repentance and on the outside it does not look as if this is really happening in my life. (This is where that whole Godly wisdom comes in from Marty) Marty’s response was a very simple picture. He told us to look at our lives like a huge oil tanker over a quarter mile long and over a million pounds floating in the ocean. Lets say the captain (me) is heading one direction and realizes that he is off course and is heading in the complete opposite direction than it should be. So the captain reaches up and takes the helm and begins steering the ship so that it is heading in the right direction. He turns the wheel 30+ times and finally it is turned all the way, as far as it can go and you know what the ship responds. It begins to turn, but this ship is huge, it doesn’t just turn on a dime, it doesn’t flip around like a speed boat on a lake. No it begins to turn over the course of 6, 7, 8, maybe 10 miles before it is finally heading in the right direction. Marty said something to the effect of,
“So it is with our walk with the Lord. It is a fight and a struggle and we get up to the helm and turn that wheel 30+ times in the right direction, but the change is not instantaneous. And sometimes we get tired, let our guard down, or get nailed by a huge wave and loose control of the wheel and it starts to spin back the wrong direction. But repentance is getting back up off of the deck grabbing hold of that wheel again and in the strength that only the Lord can give us steering this massive ship that is our lives back on course slowly correcting the times we have gone off course.”
I can look back on the last few days and say that I have been hit by a massive wave and been knocked face first into the deck. I have a bloody nose and a black eye, but dang it I refuse to be knocked down forever. I have confessed my sins, knowing that I am forgiven, knowing that Christ is faithful and just to forgive me of my sins (1 John 1:9). In the power of Jesus Christ my savior I am steering this massive ship that is my life back on course. I pray that the Lord gives me the strength and patience to hold on to the helm, keeping my life directed on him, slowing moving towards looking at him and him alone for everything in my life.
Fall Getaway
UNLcru had our annual Fall Getaway at Camp Rivercrest just south of Fremont Nebraska. It was so fun to get away from Lincoln, go out and experience a little nature. I went into this weekend thinking that it was going to be the most relaxing time of the year so far, but of course this wouldn’t be so. I am still trying to figure out what exactly God wanted me to learn this weekend. One of the biggest struggles I had this weekend was my instinct to focus on the details and the minor junk that doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. I got asked to lead worship for the band this weekend. Don’t get me wrong it was a ton of fun, but so many times I get so focused on it sounding good that I don’t remember to just play and sing for an audience of one.
The more I think about this weekend the more confused I get. I get confused trying to understand if what I did was good or if I completely missed the point. Luke 10:38-42 says,
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
I read this passage and can’t help but think that I was Martha all weekend. I didn’t get to listen to anything Finch Sprouse (right) said for his first two talks because I was finishing powerpoints for the worship sets. I wanted to listen so bad, but I couldn’t because something else just had to be done to make the students’ weekends a success. I guess I am having a hard time knowing where Philippians 2:3-5 comes in.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.
So where to do I see myself. Was I just serving selflessly? Or was I not sitting at Jesus’ feet? I’m wrestling with this, completely confused.
So there is this phrase that Craig Johring said over and over again this summer while I was a student staff intern with Cru in Juneau Alaska. He always said, “Only do what you can do.” So what can I do? I play guitar, sing, organize worship sets, take photos, videos, and give leadership to things I am involved in. I am a staff intern, so my job is to make stuff over the top for the students who are involved with us at UNL. So when I look at it that way, I guess everything is cool.
Ok, so one thing I said that I do well is take photos. On Saturday morning James Pruch (my roommate and fellow Cru Intern) woke me up nice and early. I wanted to get up before everyone was awake and spend some time with the Lord. I walked about a mile down the gravel road from the camp to their entrance sign to watch the sun rise. I spent a lot of time hanging out, taking photos, and taking in the beauty of God’s creation. I was out there for about 45 min. when Laura Reed and Erin Stokes, two girls involved with Cru at UNL, showed up. It was fun to have other people around 
hanging out so early in the morning. I took a few more photos and then after the sun broke the horizon I got to spend some more time alone. It was peaceful, quite, and my heart was so still…except this burning desire in my heart to spend time alone with the Lord. Yeah that’s right time alone with the Lord, learning from Him through his word. I needed it, I needed to be in his word, I needed to dive into the Bible and allow the Lord to fill me up. I was running on empty after a stressful night and then I tried to do things all on my own once again. I got up and missed the whole point on waking up so early. I spent time “with God,” but not WITH GOD. That totally sucks.
Why do I love Jesus?
I got asked this question yesterday by one of the guys that I am discipling and I couldn’t help but share my heart and my thoughts on what this question brought about. This post comes straight from a Journal entry earlier this morning.
I love Jesus because he is the best fire insurance in the world. He gives me lots of great stuff that I don’t really deserve at all. He is a “get out of Jail free” card when I do something really bad. I look at him and often see this cute cuddly wimpy man wearing a white robe with a purple sash who will always be there to forgive me. In other words, I don’t really love Jesus at all. I am a Christian who lives just as satisfied with living as the world as living as Christ. Maybe even more satisfied by living as the world. It’s like I’m looking up to the sky and saying, “God, yeah you know that big guy upstairs, as of right now this morning I don’t know that my heart really gives a rip whether you are in my life or not. I live my own way most of the time anyway.”
One of the things I have heard over and over again growing up in the Church and being involved with Campus Crusade is that evangelism should be easy. I mean if Jesus really is the most important thing in my life then wouldn’t I want to share that with the world. I have no problem talking to anyone/thing that is breathing and telling them about this awesome summer trip I went on and the huge fish I caught, but then when it comes down to sharing what Jesus really means to me I get all freaked out and many times don’t say anything at all. So what if Christ is not the most important thing in my life, but simply the means to a cool community of people, some good friends, some people to trick into thinking I have it all together. If that is all Christianity is why in the world would I want to go outside of my comfort zone every day and talk to people about Jesus? I’m basically walking around most days asking students to sign up for eternal fire insurance for the “low, low price” of your life. What in the world would possess me to go around and look like an idiot in front of a few guys or girls once in a while? Could it possibly be that I get to go back to my staff team or to the guys I disciple or stand in front of Cru on a Thursday night and tell everyone this sweet story that makes me look really good, like I’ve got it going on.
I ask myself why haven’t I seen real fruit in my life? Do I really have a relationship with Jesus Christ? Is this really real in my life, or am I just walking around faking it all the time? I think if Christ was really the love of my life I would truly want others to experience what I have. I have to ask myself, did I join staff to pull of this huge concert where I look really good in front of a whole bunch of people, to say “Hey, look how God used me” to show everyone how much better of a Christian I am than the rest of the world. See look at me.
And then many years from now as I am lying in my bed, will I be able to look back and say that I would have died for one chance, just one chance to really see the power of Christ in my life. Is Jesus Christ really worth all of this? Is a God that says I love you enough to die for you really worth dieing too? Is a God that says I leave only to go and prepare a place for you really worth following forever???????????
I write all those question marks because I don’t know that I can honestly answer yes right now. Believe me I want to so badly. I want to be able to look people square in the eyes and honestly say that Jesus Christ is worth my whole life, but I don’t know if I can do that. I am afraid that if I were say that right now, what would really be going on in my heart is, “Jesus you are worth following as long as you keep giving me what keeps me comfortable and as long as people around me think I am a great person!” I don’t remember where I heard it the first time, but several times I have been told that Ghandi once said that he would convert to Christianity in an instance if he would meet one person, just one person who really loved Jesus Christ. I guess it’s a good thing he wasn’t looking at me, but deep down I really wish he was.
These words were retyped because this is where I am really at, this is what God is really teaching me this morning. I wish it wasn’t true, I wish these words were just over exaggerated sarcasm, but they are not. These are my honest thoughts as I journaled this morning. After “walking with the Lord” for 20 years this is all the farther I have made it. I have made it to the first question Jesus ever asked one of his disciples….”Will you follow me?”
Faithful Provision
THIS NOTE WAS COMPILED OVER THE COURSE OF SEVERAL WEEKS
August 13.2007
I just couldn’t go to sleep tonight without throwing some words down about my thoughts. Today has been absolutely incredible. I woke up yesterday morning sitting at 34%, went to bed at 38% and as I write these very words am at 55% or my required support goal. Yes, it is true. In a mere 36 hours the Lord moved in peoples hearts in such a manner that 21% of my support goal came in. I have to confess…the story gets even better!
If only it would have been me working in my own power and in my own strength, but praise our heavenly Father it’s not. It was God because not only did that much support come in, but people started calling me to tell me they wanted to give. I presented at Monroe EFree Church today, showing the video called UNLVision that I created to do presentations and it went amazing. I had so many people come up to me afterwards telling me how impressed they were and how excited they were about what I am doing.
It is really, really hard for me to say this but for some reason I don’t feel that excited. I don’t know if it is the lack of sleep, the stress, or the honestly the truth not soaking in yet. On the other hand I might just not know what it really means to delight in the provision of the Lord. I have never seen the Lord not come through and provide, NEVER. In some way or another, in some way shape or form, God has always delivered. He has always been there, he has never let me down. I need to be excited about this! I need to praise the Holy God of the Universe for His provision! I need to lift my hands in the air, with my face bowed low in humility before the power of the King! Who am I? Who do I really think I am that I could do anything else?
Well here is who I really am. I am a selfish, arrogant, 24 year old punk kid, with nothing to my name except $30,000 in college debt.
September 4.2007
And now I sit here just over two months after starting to raise my support a fully supported staff intern serving along side the full time staff team at the University of Nebraska Lincoln. It was so stinking awesome getting to see how God worked, getting so see him move in different individuals hearts and minds to bring in my support. Yes that it is right, in just over 4 weeks of raising support the Lord brought in 75% of my support goal. I came home from Juneau Alaska this summer sitting at 2% and now less than two months later I am fully funded. It’s honestly not supposed to work that way, but isn’t the Lord amazing. God did so much and honestly I still don’t think it has fully set in. I have now been on campus for one week and it has been amazing.
A Breaking Heart
The last four and half weeks have been some of the most rewarding and most difficult times of my entire life. It is so crazy for me to sit here and briefly look back over my life, remembering all of the insanely difficult things the Lord called me to do. Yet somehow today seems more difficult than any day before this. My heart is burdened with the truth of my situation, with the truth of my life, and with the incredible truth of the scope and power of the infinite God that I serve.
I have been raising support to go on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ as an intern at UNL for just under 3 weeks now and have seen the Lord provide in huge ways. I am currently sitting at 38% of my financial goal, with appointments and a huge church presentation scheduled for tomorrow. Raising support is the most humbling task I have ever undertaken in my entire life. I thought it was difficult to raise $3000 to go on a summer project for the last 3 summers, but needing that much every month blows me away. It is so hard to sit here at my desk and make endless phone calls, write endless emails, all the while being unable to control whether someone will write back or if they will listen on the phone. Maybe they won’t even answer their phone anymore because they are sick of hearing from me? Maybe they will get my email and blow it off completely? I am here, trusting that the huge Lord and Savior that I serve, the God that can know, workout, and understand how in the world I am able to go to heaven can at the same time know and understand how and where a ton of money is going to come my direction.
I want to be on campus at the University of Nebraska – Lincoln more than I have ever wanted in anything in my entire life. I wanted to do this more than go back to Alaska for the third summer, but I had a peace from the Lord that if I followed him there you provide for me back here. The only thing is that he knows it all and I am left believing and trusting that he will continue to be faithful and work things out that are in my best interests. If God calls me away from UNL and calls me somewhere it will not be without heart ache and pain, but I believe that he truly has my best interests at heart. I am excited to see how God provides in the next couple days and in the next couple weeks.
It is ironic to think that if I think this is hard now, working on campus will be more difficult than anything I have ever done in my life. I will be worked over…over and over and over again!
Never underestimate my Jesus.
You’re telling me that there’s no hope,
I’m telling you you’re wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus.
When the world around you crumbles,
He will be strong, he will be strong!-Relient K “For the Moments I Feel Faint”
Do I deserve the Lords provision in my life? Do I deserve for him to put it on people’s hearts and minds to give generously out of the overflow of their hearts? NO NO NO
I deserve nothing from the Lord! I am a selfish, arrogant, impure, man with nothing to offer outside of the blessings He has so abundantly given. It is true that he has blessed me far beyond what I could have ever dreamed of and it is for this reason that my heart breaks.
Blessings for the undeserving.
Blessings for one who could never earn them.
Blessings for one who cannot be thankful enough.
Blessings for one who could never use them faithfully as he has required.Blessings for the undeserving.
Leaving the world in the hands of the unfaithful.
Leaving the message of his word in the mouths of the detestable.
Leaving the work of his own hand in the palms of the corrupt.Blessings for the undeserving!
Those words came to me in the last 10 minutes as my heart cries out for the Lord to hear my pitiful thanksgiving, to see my worthless offerings, to read my unworthy words.
A broken thumb
So I broke my thumb on Tuesday night playing dodgeball with the guys here on the Delta Summer Project. It sucks, but hey yesterday I reeled in a 30 lb halibut with a broken thumb and I get to have surgery tomorrow!!
